When you divert your pain into purchases… I see you.
When you put all your eggs into the basket of that one boy or girl texting you back… I see you.
When you think making another change to your appearance will make people treat you better… I see you.
When you obsess over the petty shit because the big stuff is too hard to handle… I see you.
When you distract yourself from your own capabilities by playing small in ways you find socially acceptable… I see you.
When you wait around on your own major life decisions for the approval of people who don’t give a fuck about you… I see you.
And I love you.
I’m not here to judge you for your coping mechanisms, because lord knows I spent a lifetime or several giving my power away to stupid stuff that didn’t matter, to bending backwards for people who were only ever going to reinforce my deep-seated beliefs about how unlovable I really was. I get it.
But because I get it, I see it. I see yall leaking your power out every damn day giving fucks about stupid shit, thinking that maybe this pair of shoes or that girl or boy finally has the key to make everything better.
But they don’t. Nobody’s here to solve your life for you.
And everything you’re putting ahead of solving your life is just to distract you from actually solving your life.
Because it’s easier to buy into the myth that expensive shoes WILL make people respect you. It’s easier to believe that if you can just make that one person love you with that perfect text message or that perfect recipe or that perfect date then everything will fall into place. It’s easier to get a new haircut than deal with your feelings, or god forbid start thinking about your time on earth and how you’re going to create a sustainable life doing something you enjoy.
So I get it. It’s a horrible trap and it feels impossible to find your way out of, especially in times of so much economic distress, when trying to create a sustainable life at all, let alone one that makes you happy, is a statistically gargantuan effort. I’m a millennial, ok? I understand.
But every time you put your value in the crap you own, you attract more people who agree with you.
Every time you think you’ll be abandoned if you don’t word your text message exactly perfectly, you attract more people who agree with you.
Every time you think pleasing your crush is more important than pursuing your dreams, you attract more people who agree with you.
And then you wonder why you’re broke and surrounded by assholes.
You have a certain amount of bandwidth in your day, and you choose – consciously or not – how you spend it. Your life is a series of choices. And in every moment you give your time, energy, and money to a bunch of shit that doesn’t matter, that’s time, energy, and money you don’t have for yourself. You are leaking your power out through purchases and freakouts and frantic text messages when you could be accruing it and galvanizing it into something big enough to create something that actually means something to you.
You are spending your riches on little bandaids trying to cover a gaping wound. For the cost of 10,000 bandaids you could have actual surgery, and then you’d feel better. And then you wouldn’t need the bandaids anymore. And then you’d have more time and resources than you knew what to do with.
But you have to stop using distractions to avoid the big work. The final boss of the game is always you.
Recognize your coping mechanisms for what they are, and stop lying to yourself that they’re doing something for you.
The people who love you don’t care what shoes you wear. They don’t care if your car is fucked up. They love you in your glamour and they love you in your pjs, and you don’t have to worry about how you phrase your texts to them.
Recognize where you are blocking yourself from unconditional love by refusing to give it to yourself.
You are the one.
You are the only one.
You are the only one who can fix your life for you.