Conditional Support, Part 1

Many people will tell you they support you in your healing and transformation, and then they’ll bail on you when they see what it actually looks like.
I’m not talking about not being there in the dark spaces holding your metaphorical hair back as you vomit and purge your trauma – strangely, a lot of people will be very down to go to those places with you.
I’m talking about accepting you fully once you emerge fully healed.
Throughout the course of my healing, I’ve picked up on many of these dynamics from people I’ve lost:
“I encouraged you to heal your sexual trauma, but wow now you’re speaking up about #MeToo in a way that’s unfair to men.”
“I loved being part of a music scene with you, but I didn’t expect you’d ever take yourself seriously as an artist in a way I’m personally unprepared to do.”
“I loved your strong opinions when I wanted to interview you for my content, but I don’t like it when you express them on my posts.”
“I had so much fun at the meditation and spirituality classes you invited me to, but I didn’t think you meant we should actually apply them and improve our lives.”
“I loved it when you showed up at all my special occasions to celebrate me but I never thought you’d expect me to even bother to RSVP to yours.”
“I was always willing to hold space for you when you were upset, but please don’t expect me to acknowledge you when you’re happy.”
“I encouraged you to set new standards for people in your life, but I didn’t think you’d apply them to me!”
“I sought your support when I suspected we were both being manipulated by the same person, but I decided I still want them in my life so I stopped talking to you instead.”
There’s no getting around this one. It just happens. And the only thing you can do is stay true to your own heart and let those who would fall away do so. There will be more love, more friendship, more connection when you get where you’re going.
It’s rare for any two people to grow at the same pace; usually what happens is that one person grows on their own path alone and then ends up in a new destination, where there will be new energetic matches and new rubrics for compatibility. You fall down the rabbit hole by yourself, and then you make new friends in Wonderland. For two people to have the exact same route in their DNA would be almost a statistical impossibility.
It just is so. There’s nothing wrong with you. Check in and make sure you’re in your integrity and you’re not hurting anyone – but 9 times out of 10, it’s not you. It’s just the way.

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