Captain’s Log, 4.25.18

PSA: If you are a service provider of any kind, it is YOUR JOB to set your boundaries around your work. It is not your clients’ job to intuit them.

It is YOUR JOB to determine what you are offering, how much it costs, what is included, and how long the container lasts. If your client pushes for more, it’s your job to point out the boundary around the offering and either sell them an additional offering that meets their needs or simply say no.

This goes for sex workers too. Yes, you are currently facing deep political endangerment, and this is important to talk about. It’s advisable and responsible to inform your clients of the policies that put your life at risk and give them a few simple ways to support the industry (calling their reps, signing petitions).

It is NOT advisable to sit there and tell your client how much more privilege and power he has than you because he is a white cisgender heterosexual man and how you felt pressured into playing with him longer than you had energy for because you failed to set a clear container.

YOU set the container. You’re the professional. You decide when it starts and ends, how much it costs, and what will be included. If your client pressures you into more, whether consciously or just out of well-intentioned but misguided enthusiasm, it is ON YOU to enforce your boundaries.

I get it because I sucked at this when I was a pro-domme, and I often overextended myself out of scarcity mentality.

But I did not sit there and make my clients feel guilty for being white or straight or male when it was my own decision to overextend myself.

Take. Your. Power. Back.

You don’t have to sell anything you don’t want to. You decide how much is enough. That’s your job as facilitator. Not your client’s.

(If this resonates with you, I can help you with boundary work, or you can check out Katherine Bird‘s Healer’s Process course, of which I am an alumnus, which addresses this issue effectively.)

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