Captain’s Log, 10.3.16

I want to share what’s been an important week for me on my spiritual path. Already I can feel changes beginning to happen in me and I want to share them as part of my transparency around my journey into this new self.

This week I taught my first classes in magick and intuitive modalities thanks to the encouragement of Monique Darling. It’s particularly interesting to me teaching these things and coming from such a left-brained background, because I can explain my journey with a keen empathy towards skeptics and detail the process of how I arrived where I am today with it.

On Monday I taught a tarot/scrying class to a small group at a private home. While I’ve taken classes in these modalities before, the things I ended up saying while teaching were things I’ve never heard anyone else say or systematize in this manner, though I’ve undoubtedly picked up the various pieces here and there from different people and experiences. I understood then what one of my mentors meant when he said that sometimes spirit takes over and teaches for him – afterward I felt happy but exhausted from running so much energy. It was incredible to me that despite all I’ve learned, what I ended up teaching felt completely original to me.

Yesterday I was back again to teach on practical magick, manifestation, and spellcraft. I told the class my experiences with sigil magick and what it looks like when your intentions start to manifest in the world. Again, while I learned the step-by-step sigil process from my mentors, the material I was presenting on how it shows up was entirely derived from my own experiences and therefore original to me. At times my mind was connecting dots so quickly that I struggled to organize my material, but allowing my students to stop me and ask questions (as well as allowing Ashley Manta to stop me and ask me to explain things I was taking for granted) helped me make sure everyone was following along.

Then last night I attended an energetic play party (think a sex party but everyone’s underwear stays on), and since I wasn’t inclined to engage in mutual intimacy (even energetically!) due to my decisions to reserve that part of myself for those who are open to showing up for me in relationship, I offered to give practice readings on the partygoers in exchange for feedback. I ended up trying out an entirely new modality that was completely intuitive for me and scarily accurate – I can’t imagine I’m the first person to combine reiki byosan scanning with tarot but I definitely haven’t seen anyone else do it. Essentially I began the reading with a chakra meridian scan on the client lying down face up and then pulled an oracle card for each chakra to tell me what was going on with it, placing each card along the client’s body next to the corresponding chakra. I was able to feel the energy of each chakra with my hand hovering over it in the meridian scan and then to divine further information on it from the card pull. The synchronicities were incredible – in one woman, I pulled Lust for her third eye chakra and High Priestess of Spirit for her reproductive chakra, showing me the strong connection for her between sex and spirituality. In another man I pulled Meditation for his root chakra and Earth for his spirit chakra, telling me how his daily practice helps ground him. In a couple, I pulled Message for their reproductive chakra, telling me they were placing the burden of communication on their sex life rather than using their words, and sure enough when I got to their voice chakra I pulled Trapped. By the end I was channeling faster than I could get the words out; information just kept coming and my voice started getting sore but I didn’t want to stop. I did 9 readings on 11 people (two couples’ readings) and when I was done I collapsed on the blanket and curled up fetal. Everyone – even people I had never spoken a word to before reading them – told me the readings were entirely accurate. One man even told his partner my readings were so spot-on that he was getting mad at me for doubting myself!

It’s one thing to buy a tarot deck and play around. It’s one thing to take a few classes on what the cards mean and how to pull them in a spread. It’s even one thing to buy multiple decks, start a coven with your friends, pull cards for each other and watch as you see the cards directly speak to what you know is happening in all your lives. It is an entirely different thing to walk into a party, offer some free readings to strangers so you can try out a new method you just made up, have the flow of information come so quickly you can’t stop talking, and have literally every single person tell you you nailed it.

I’m documenting this here because I don’t want you to think I’m crazy. I’m watching myself and I don’t understand where all this is coming from, and it’s very scary to experience things I can’t explain, things that in my rational mind I would never expect anyone else to believe. I’m just telling you the facts of what’s going on with me as best as I can explain them.

I purchased a session package this month from a remarkable woman who does karmic clearings and among other things I’m not ready to talk about yet she has been clearing from me the energy of feeling unsupported. The energy in me right now feels like that of a pregnant woman on a train – I’ve gone from feeling perpetually unsafe to the feeling of calling in safety and support (that doesn’t mean it has arrived yet, but I have at least moved to the energy of reasonably expecting it – eg, like a pregnant woman on a train). Something in my body is demanding protection. The past 6 months have been filled with entirely new and unfamiliar feelings and just when I think I can’t possibly blossom any more, I’m taken a step further, again and again.

I’m not sure where all this is going but Monique has invited me back to another party on October 9th to give my readings again, this time charging for them since I’ve seen their value. Maybe if you’re nice she’ll post the invite link in the comments.

Black moon blessings, all.

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