Spindles

You guys remember how Sleeping Beauty was supposed to prick her finger on a spindle at age 16 so they banned all spindles from the kingdom? Same how Oedipus was predicted to kill his dad and marry his mom so they exiled him only for him to return and do both because he didn’t recognize that they were his parents?

Right, well. Learn this much: you can’t take the obvious solution out of your destiny.

“Oh, we’ll just get rid of all the spindles, problem solved” LOL NOPE. Y’all thought you could outsmart the evil fairy by banning spindles. Like she wouldn’t find a way to get one in.

Goedde-arden-leigh-bedphoto by Steve Diet Goedde

I hid my demons in places no one would recognize them: achievements, sex positivity, modeling gigs, athleticism, book deals, smart rhetoric, being “brave.” No one was going to call me out on any of that shit. Even though I was doing it because I didn’t think I was good enough without it.

No one said “stop doing parkour Arden, it’s clearly a means of attempting to transcend your humanity in response to your own self-loathing.”

No one said “your being submissive is enabling your inability to set personal boundaries,” and if they had I would’ve cried KINKSHAMING.

No one said “your devastating need for self-improvement is just a way of avoiding emotional intimacy by holding yourself to perfectionism.”

No one said “your self-sufficiency is just the byproduct of a culture that taught you that women who have needs are desperate embarrassing burdens no one loves.”

I got rid of all the spindles. There was no obvious problem. I stopped self-harming, never got addicted to drugs or alcohol, always paid my rent on time. Published a book, wrote a screenplay, and put out some albums in the process. I thought I could cope with my core wound forever.

Nope. You cannot lawyer your way out of your fate.

True love is always a fairytale. We just forget how much courage, how much transformation, and how many battles fairytales actually involve.

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