Captain’s Log, 1.26.18

This week has not been an easy one for me with the rapid shifts going on, as those of you who have been following my posts the last few days probably know by now. I wish I had the energy to sit down and unpack everything in one place, with all the signs and evidence I’ve received from multiple corners of the universe, because while the currents are affecting me personally in specific ways they are also affecting the collective in others. I don’t.

What I will say is that I’ve been doing this thing long enough to know more than a little bit about how it works, and that there are laws of physics that are showing up in energetic ways right now. Namely, there must always be a contraction before an expansion, and therefore if you’re intending to make large-scale changes in your life, space must be cleared for new abundance to come in. Which means losing a lot of what you were currently attached to. The universe hates a vacuum, so in order to be filled, the most effective means is to first be emptied.

Remember that magick works by first bringing up anything that is in the way of our intention so that it can be cleared. These are detox symptoms – what appears first as loss is actually the etheric body removing any influences that are counter to your goals. So if it feels like everything is falling away from you, it’s just the shattering of your illusions and the dead weight you’ve been keeping around more out of habit than of conscious choice.

Vibrations are 5D spaces the way that countries are 3D spaces. You wouldn’t move to France and expect to maintain the same relationships you have now. Similarly, you (most of you, I assume) can be in the same room with a person and the moment they call women “females” or say “I’m not racist but–” you know you’re on two very different planets.

So if you’re feeling this breakdown, it’s normal.

These are, however, crucial times for staying in alignment with your goals. If you allow your losses to cripple you, you won’t be in any condition to receive the goodness that is coming your way. You’ll be lost within the vibration of pain and unfairness and you’ll miss the very opportunities you intended for by clinging to the remnants of your past.

One last thing.

Understanding the power of using will to create my reality has vastly changed my relationship to my emotional body. In my prior life, I suffered from deep depressive episodes, but because I didn’t know how to use them, I stayed stuck because I felt trapped. It took me well over half my life to understand them for the gift they are – an opportunity to change what’s making me miserable. In the past I felt certain that if only I were good enough or valuable enough then people would start treating me better, and this belief ran my entire operating system for the majority of my life. So when an injustice happened to me and a depressive episode predictably followed, it would stretch on in agony because it didn’t make sense, and I would continue editing myself down to become more and more perfect, a toxic cycle based in a scarcity mindset around love that kept me in an energy of unworthiness that would make anyone depressed.

It’s not that I don’t experience depressive episodes today; it’s that I think of them as information. I sit with them and I investigate from every angle what’s causing me to feel a certain way, and I work on clearing the energetic relationships I have to those stimuli. Often they’re incredibly layered, because existing in the previous mindset that promoted repressing genuine emotion in favor of burning oneself into perfection will leave a lot of unresolved wounding. I look at all the factors present and I figure out where I need to let go and shift my beliefs, or even just my standards. I’ve done this enough that I’m not afraid of burning my fields to the ground if the messages I’m receiving are telling me to do so. I’ve said this before, but this past year has held so much rapid growth for me that there have been times where I’ve been embarrassed by who I was just two weeks prior. And dealing with these shifts efficiently often takes my full and immediate attention, which isn’t exactly convenient when I had other things I’d planned to do, but by giving them space to unfold and voice their concerns I’m able to turn what was once a constant, low-level, ever-present repressed anxiety into a 2-4 day intensive solo learning workshop from which I always emerge better than before.

And if my system weren’t shutting down to make me aware of the misalignment happening, I would have no way of dealing with it. My “depressive episodes” have in a way become a gift. I wouldn’t say they’re pleasant, but I am able now to escape the feeling of strain and anxiety from resisting them and instead dive deep into them, transmute them, and come out the other side better off. I even wonder if their function is to alert me to a timeline shift. Imagine that they had been well-meaning alarm bells all along.

Anyway I’m not exactly cheerful about having to spend the majority of this week in bed processing, as that was not originally part of the plan. But at least now I can be excited about what’s on the other side, because in understanding the laws of cause and effect, I know something better is right around the corner.

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