Captain's Log, 9.10.17

What if “God never gives you more than you can handle” actually means “You determine the speed and pace at which you grow”?

Let’s assume God is You, Self, the Creator. Any pain you can’t alchemize, any lesson you can’t integrate, gets repressed and saved for later. You’ll have to deal with it at some point or else it will keep coming up for you again in cycles, patterns, and trauma bonds, but you get to choose when you deal with it. Slowly, one piece at a time, you heal. You nip in the bud each symptomatic behavioral branch so it doesn’t keep spreading, fractaling. You start with the external – you stop drinking, using, self-harming, self-destructing. You begin with the material habits, the easiest variables to control, and then you trace them backwards to their roots, following them down into the earth. Eventually you find the core wound. The mother lode. The Kraken. You excavate it. You start remembering who you are. You awaken. You heal.

But there were so many opportunities in your past to see the same thing, to not make the same choices – yet you didn’t, then. Why?

Well, let’s say God is your higher self, your intelligent design, your creator reality. Your internal computer that says “yes, let’s upgrade this software” or “nope, not enough bandwidth right now.” In that way, God never gives you more than you can handle.

And then you arrive at the loneliness of praying to God for your suffering to be over only to realize that you’re praying to yourself, and the person who decides when it’s over is you.

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