Captain's Log, 5.11.18

I know this is going to sound crazy at the moment but I’d really love to teach seduction again one day.

Bear with me.

I don’t want to teach pickup. And I don’t want to teach seduction to anyone who hasn’t solved their issues, which means MAYBE I’ll make The Re-Patterning Project (or equivalent credential) a pre-requisite.

What I DO want to do is to teach the art of creating romantic suspense through archetype, narrative, dialogue, gesture, dress, and object. I want to teach that to people from a place of wholeness and choice.

I’ve done some quality flirting lately. I don’t flirt nearly as habitually anymore, which means when I do flirt it’s a pretty strong choice. And flirting with me is a peak artisanal experience: my knack for language, for turn of phrase, for expressive eye contact, for body language, for setting, for production value, for touch, for tension, for timing – for the pledge, the turn, the prestige – creates a singular emotional journey that is perhaps still my favorite creative medium.

In some ways I’m a paradox in relationship – I like to fuck with my lovers’ heads while maintaining the genuine foundation of safety under us at all times. They know it’s theater, the games I play, akin to feeling your heart race watching a thriller while in the safety of a dark and comfortable cinema. I could never consciously cause someone I love to suffer – but I love inducing the sensation of apprehension. I love it when they’re stuck wondering what I’m going to do next.

Some of my past seductions have been multimedia works of art that included long correspondences, personalized photo shoots, audio recordings, erotic fiction, perfect birthday/Christmas gifts, adventure dates, long-thought-out comedic bits with punchlines weeks apart from the setups. One time a boy I really liked requested video, so I called up some of my girlfriends in porn and bought them dinner in exchange for shooting some footage with me that I later edited to music (which is how I learned to edit video, by the way). In New York I had a standard routine of taking a date to see Sleep No More, then suggesting food afterwards and conveniently steering them to the steakhouse in the strip club across the street where I knew some of the dancers, and then finally back to my apartment for a nightcap ten blocks away. I think I did that seven times in three years.

You guys. I was good.

When I was doing it I wasn’t really able to appreciate myself for it, because I was so deep in it, and because it was so connected to my core wound that I was far too attached to the outcome to appreciate my own efforts. I was too outwardly focused on whether I was loved to be able to notice and love myself. I didn’t see myself then, but I do now.

I’ve given up seduction as a lifestyle, but truth be told I’d be bored in any longterm relationship where I didn’t get to express myself in this way.

I honestly feel that I’m one of the only living people on earth today who is skilled and experienced in combining the tenets of classical seduction with contemporary societal mores and communication technology.

Only trouble is it’s mostly unconscious competence at this point – I always know what to do with a given mindscape in front of me but I’m not sure how I’d teach it on a blank canvas.

But one day I’ll figure that out and teach it as a skill set.

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