Beauty

For the coming month, the key concept I am focusing on is beauty.

I don’t mean physical attractiveness, although that is certainly one form (and even that one form has many sub-forms). I mean beauty as an energetic vibration, as an energy that can be cultivated, carried, and expressed.

Beauty makes space for darkness in a way that isn’t found in vibrations like happiness and positivity – even bliss, while closer, is still so pastel. Beauty possesses a richness. Beauty contains coziness as much as it contains awe, it contains candlelight as much as it contains sunlight. (The attraction to beauty is why I’ve always skewed gothic – not all goth expression is beautiful, but goth culture makes room for radical beauty in a way that tends not to be found in the mainstream.)

Beauty opens itself to vulnerability, and vulnerability is a necessity, I think, for me, at this point, given what I am creating, because (as we went over yesterday) vulnerability is key to joy.

Beautiful spaces. Beautiful art. Beautiful words. Beautiful music. The ability to make one’s world a little bit more beautiful just by cultivating beauty as an energetic vibration is a skill that is in itself beautiful and therefore vulnerable. How open can you be. How grounded. How willing to be with what is.

I’ve been doing this work long enough at this point that I’ve noticed that I’ve become as attuned as I have ever been to the ability to make hope make sense to people. I’m hearing myself in conversation, instinctively focusing on the advantages in our circumstances rather than their hindrances (and being quite clever about it, assuredly, since I still carry trickster energy), while communicating them with clarity and compassion. I’m seeing how situations might be skewed toward their best outcomes, I’m finding the strength in every weakness, the beauty in every flaw. I’m not saying I’m perfect at it yet (hence choosing it to meditate on this month, to further amplify it), but in the last few months I’ve noticed a deep change in my mind. I’m really tired and overwhelmed from moving so much density all at once, and I still get frustrated that things aren’t always moving as fast as I wish they were, and I definitely haven’t yet moved on from feeling paralyzed comparing myself to other people, but I’ve noticed huge shifts in my thoughts and emotions. My capacity for non-attachment at present is frankly unprecedented in my history. I hacked my holy anger and learned to hold it in a vibration of love. Even difficult conversations are becoming easier to approach with presence and empathy. I’m more and more able to meet others where they’re at. I stopped giving a fuck where it didn’t matter and started giving a fuck where it does. I’m functionally fearless because I no longer fear fear. (I have a ton of fear, fyi. I just have a lot more trust, so I keep going with it, because so far the path hasn’t let me down.) My capacity for miracles continues to surprise and humble me every day. I keep shedding anything that isn’t in alignment with love.

Anyway. That’s what I’m calling in right now. Disney Princess energy all the way.

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